Do you have ‘empty nester syndrome’?

The policy to snag ‘empty nesters’ votes at the election (remember that?), with super concessions to encourage home downsizing, appears to have fallen on deaf ears.

But it got me thinking about the emotions wrapped up in that birdy expression and just how relevant or realistic it is to parents whose clutch have flown the coop.

There’s a so-called ‘empty nester syndrome’ which revolves around sadness, worry, grief and loss of purpose. But the experts stress it is not a condition.

Despite some adult kids remaining at home for longer, some empty nesters have more positive experiences, such as relief for a job well done and more time for themselves.

Our two boys, aged 20 and 23, have been gone for the past two years, and frankly, I have mixed feelings. At least the dog is still with us.

But how about you? Are you happy to be identified and targeted by politicians and economists as ‘empty nesters’? And what’s your experience of the transition from a house full of kids to none?

It used to be normal, if we use that word anymore, for kids to leave home sometimes in their teenage years and for mum and dad to put their feet up.

But house and rent prices, job insecurity and other factors have conspired to keep them cared for in the family nest, sometimes with their own partners, for unprecedented periods.

Yet when they do leave, the experience can open the door to unexpected and sometimes prolonged feelings, which although not officially a disorder, are known as ‘empty nester syndrome’.

Credit: Bao, a Pixar short film from 2018 about an aging and lonely Chinese Canadian mother suffering from empty nest syndrome, who receives an unexpected second chance at motherhood when she makes a steamed bun (baozi) that comes to life

Grief, emptiness, fear and worry can arise with a mix of emotions as we tackle a transition for which few are prepared. If you suffer, there’s good advice from our own Relationships Australia.

“Dealing with these significant changes at home presents a good opportunity to start focusing more on yourself, your own hobbies, and your relationship,” they say.

Tips include: reclaim your time and rediscover your interests before kids, rekindle your love life with your partner, take up new hobbies and volunteer.

Above all, realise that the kids have not gone, but it’s time to forge a new relationship with them and let go of the habits and idea of them being children. 
As Relationships Australia sums it up, “They’re out of your house, but certainly not out of your life.”
For me it’s a real joy when one son, who lives nearby, pops in for food or washing or to borrow camping gear as I miss him, and his brother, in my everyday life.
 
So what’s your advice to other empty nesters? To grin and bear it or make the most of a new chapter in our longer lives?
 

Any information contained in this communication is general advice, it does not take into account your individual circumstances, objectives, financial situation or needs.